Recovery
by lurkingwhump
Summary: Episode tag to 4x12. Jane's recovery was not as fast as portrayed in the episode. She's is still weak and slowly recovering as Kurt takes her home after the treatment. TLC with a dash of angst.


Hi everyone!

I have another fic here, and by my standards this is more or less fluff. Although 4x12 is probably my favorite Blindspot ep of all time, I was not happy with Jane's miraculously fast recovery at the end of 4x12. She was at death's door, so there is no way she would've been perfectly fine physically within hours od receiving the treatment. So, I decided to do a fic fix with some TLC with a dash of angst. Episode tag to 4x12.

Thanks again to my beta for your proofreading and suggestions for improvements.

Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

* * *

**Recovery**

Kurt unlocked the door to their apartment and pushed it open. Jane took a shuffling step inside, holding on to him tightly for support. They had given her the Stanton cells the previous day but she was still weak, and it would take time for her body to reconfigure all the connections and to regain her strength.

Kurt's arm was around her back, his touch being more than physical support as she made her way in. She was home. Kurt took her jacket as she shrugged out of it, hanging it on the coat rack. She noticed the look of alarm in his eyes as she let go of him and swayed a bit before slowly making her way to the couch, sinking down onto it with a sigh. Just the walk from the car to their apartment building and then down the hall had her legs aching from the effort. Her hearth thudded in her chest, leaving her out of breath. She felt like she was eighty, completely out of shape.

The couch dipped as Kurt sat down beside her and pulled her close, snaking his arm around her shoulders.

His lips brushed her temple. "You doing okay?"

She nodded and leaned into his shoulder.

"Do you want something to eat?" He murmured.

"No thanks. I'm going to catch my breath and then I'd like to take a shower, wash this hospital feel and smell off me."

"Okay." Kurt nodded in understanding and smiled at her softly.

After a couple of minutes Jane decided she was recovered enough to get up. She grabbed the hand rest for support as she pushed herself up. Her calf muscles trembled in protest and she let out a long breath through her nose, her other hand reaching for Kurt's.

"Careful." Kurt cautioned as she swayed again, getting her balance.

"I'm…I'm okay."

He held onto her hand, his other hand resting lightly on the small of her back as she made her way to the bathroom.

Jane sat on the toilet lid and started to undress as Kurt turned on the shower for her. She was wearing one of his hoodies, so it came off without much of an effort, as did the loose sweatpants. She saw him watching her closely. He didn't say anything, but she recognized the worry in his gaze.

She gave him a small smile. "I can do this on my own," she tried to reassure him, but as she got up, she faltered as her legs almost gave out. She managed to grab the edge of the vanity for support before Kurt's arms encircled her.

"Let me help." His voice was soft in her ear, the tone tender and reassuring.

Jane felt the exhaustion wash over her again, her entire body telegraphing pain like small electric shocks and her muscles trembling at the exertion of the movements. She hated her weakness, but she also knew Kurt would never think less of her. She didn't say anything, only nodding against him.

He stripped himself of his clothing and reached in the shower, testing the temperature of the water before he helped her in and stepped in behind her.

She let out a contented sigh as the warm water hit her sore body. She reached for the shampoo but felt Kurt grab her hand gently, taking the bottle. She turned to look at him questioningly, but his only reply was a loving smile.

He started to massage the shampoo into her scalp, encouraging her to lean forward to let the water soothe her shoulders while he worked. She breathed deeply, feeling his hands on her skin as he went to rinse her hair.

The effort of standing was already getting to her and she could feel the nausea rising, even though she had only stood there for mere minutes. She swayed, leaning against Kurt's chest behind her. One of his arms went around her waist, holding her to him as the other started running a soapy washcloth over her tattoos.

His movements were slow and gentle, almost reverent as he traced the cloth from the rose on her abdomen up to the bird on her neck and down her arm. Jane leaned back against his shoulder, closing her eyes as she tried to will away the trembling sensation in her legs. She felt like she had run a marathon.

Kurt must have sensed her anxiety, pressing his lips against her shoulder. "I've got you."

The tenderness in his voice made her eyes grow moist.

His hand steadied her as he moved the cloth to her back. He took his time, carefully kneading her shoulders, chasing away the tension with his touch before he tracked the cloth over the tattoo of the oil derricks and his name. Satisfied that her back was clean of the traces of the hospital stay, he stepped in front of her, kissing her forehead and her closed eyelids. His kisses were loving and intimate but more of a reaffirmation of his feelings for her than anything else.

The emotion Jane felt at his soft touches was almost overwhelming: how close she had come to death. She had been incredibly fortunate; if it hadn't been for Kurt's unwavering support and the determination of Patterson and Rich, she wouldn't be here right now.

Kurt held her in the shelter of his embrace for a moment before he knelt to wash her legs. As she reached to caress his cheek, she could no longer suppress a whimper as a few tears tracked down her face, mingling with the water. He looked up at her, shaking his head softly, his pained look silently asking her not to cry. It was then that she realized how important this act of helping her must be to him as well.

She traced her hand over his stubble with trembling fingers, giving him a wavering smile. He took her hand and placed it on his shoulder, letting her lean on him. Just as with her shoulders, he kneaded her calves and thighs, easing the pain she felt.

Then Kurt stood, turning off the water. Getting out, he quickly wrapped a towel around his own waist and engulfed her in a larger, soft towel. He guided her down to sit again as he towel-dried her hair.

"There," he smiled at her and helped her stand.

Jane wished she could find the words to describe the love and gratitude she felt for her husband, but they failed her; they were inadequate. Her chest was about to burst from the warmth she felt. So, she gazed into his eyes for a long moment before whispering a quiet "Thank you", and leaned into his embrace.

They stood there for a moment, with him stroking her hair. "Do you feel like you could eat something?"

Feeling the nausea still lingering, she shook her head. Standing in the shower had drained her of what energy she'd had, and exhaustion was rapidly taking over. "I think I'd better lie down."

She leaned into Kurt's touch as he cupped her cheek, concern audible in his voice as he spoke. "Okay, I'll help you to bed."

* * *

It was Jane's second day at home, and she was sitting on the couch with her sketchbook, aimlessly doodling some patterns on an otherwise blank page. She had just awoken from a long nap. It felt like most of her time now at home had been spent sleeping. After coming home yesterday and taking the shower, she had slept until the evening. The smallest movement seemed to drain her of energy, her body and muscles feeling like lead.

Kurt had made them a light dinner of pureed vegetable soup, which she had fortunately been able to eat. She had savored the taste, happy to be eating more than hospital food. She smiled when she remembered the happiness on Kurt's face, his smile reaching his eyes for the first time in what must have been weeks. After dinner he had helped her back to bed, and she had fallen asleep to his soothing touches as he slowly traced the tattoos on her skin.

What would she do without him? He had barely left her side, whether in the hospital or now here at home. He had been with her almost literally every step of the way. And she loved him dearly for it. She didn't think she could ever put into words how she felt about him. Even after everything she'd done and planned as Remi, he was still there. Right now, he was replacing an electrical outlet in the records room; she could hear him fiddling with the screws of the outlet, putting them back in.

She glanced out through the balcony doors. Despite it being September, it was still warm outside and she felt the warmth of the afternoon sun through the window.

Kurt emerged from the records room with a triumphant smile on his face.

"It's working again."

"You fixed it?"

"Turns out it was just a loose wire. I reconnected it and the outlet works." He leaned down to kiss her lightly. "Did you have a good nap?"

She smiled at him, nodding.

He ran his hand through her hair, gazing at her lovingly. "Can I get you anything?"

She glanced outside again. "Do you… do you think you could help me out to the balcony?" She gave him almost a pleading look.

"Of course I can. Come on."

He reached for her, wrapping his arm around her back as he pulled her up and helped her stand. Jane hissed in pain. One moment her leg was all pins and needles, feeling like it wouldn't support her weight and when it did, it was followed by painful tendrils that snaked up her leg, making the muscles in her lower back spasm.

Kurt's face wore a concerned frown.

"Easy," he murmured into her neck as he pulled her close, allowing her to lean on him as she slowly shuffled to the door.

He pulled it open and helped her out, easing her down to sit on the chaise lounge.

Jane grabbed his hand, tugging at his fingers as her eyes met his.

Still holding her hand, he stretched out in the chair, settling her against him and engulfing her in his warm embrace.

Jane breathed a deep sigh, curling into him. His presence was comforting, helping her tune out all the anxiety she felt at that moment.

"It's still warm out," he mused.

"Yeah, it is. The sun looked so inviting."

Kurt didn't reply, merely pressing a kiss into her hair.

She closed her eyes, feeling the sun warm her back and Kurt's solid form at her side, as she snuggled deeper into him. The pain eased slowly, leaving her feeling safe and loved in his arms.

Looking at the view from the balcony, she felt a tight feeling in her chest. Hoping to distract herself, she ran her hand slowly up and down Kurt's side, taking comfort in his proximity again.

"What is it?" He could read her better than anyone; almost better than she herself could at times.

She shook her head. "It's…it's nothing."

"Jane…"

She fiddled with the fabric of his shirt, picking off imaginary lint. She let out a breath, looking at the view towards the bridge. "In the hospital…I didn't think I'd get a chance to see this view again."

Kurt's arms tightened around her and she felt the tears in her eyes as she briefly glanced at him before averting her gaze. Her voice was quiet and broken as she went on. "I was scared I'd never get to come home again."

She buried her face in his chest, fighting to maintain her composure as a few tears made their way down her cheeks and she sniffed.

"Oh, Jane." He kissed her forehead, stroking her hair as he rocked her gently. "You're here now. You're home. It's over."

She nodded against him, wrapping her arms tight around him, trying to bury herself in the safety of his loving embrace.

* * *

Kurt was sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes on Jane as she slept. He could feel the weight and tiredness on his shoulders. Even though he had her home again and he knew she would recover, he still worried.

Sleep didn't come easily to him. As Jane succumbed to sleep, he spent hours listening to her breath softly beside him or in his arms. He was afraid that he would wake some moment and discover she wasn't breathing anymore, the memory of her labored breathing in the hospital still looming large. The fear was irrational, he knew that, but he still couldn't shake it, and so he fought the tiredness.

Looking at the image that greeted him in the mirror in the mornings, he saw his own features turn more drawn and tired. He seldomly slept for more than a couple of hours at a time, before something woke him to check on Jane, day or night.

And here he was again. It was the afternoon and Jane was napping after a trip to the doctor had worn her out. She had gained color back in her face, but she was still too thin and her body bore visible marks of the struggle she had endured. She had dark circles under her eyes, bruises here and there, and a small mark on the back of her hand where the IV for administering the treatment had been.

He drew a shuddering breath, a couple of silent tears escaping his eyes, as he took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing the IV site softly.

She stirred at the gesture, Kurt kicking himself mentally for waking her.

"Kurt? Is everything okay?" She murmured, her voice heavy with sleep as she opened her eyes a fraction.

He hastily went to wipe his tears away with the back of his other hand, and attempted a smile. "Everything's fine. Go back to sleep."

But Jane wasn't fooled. She squeezed his hand. "Kurt…"

Her voice had the same gentle but reproachful tone that she had used in the hospital when he tried to make light of her comment about being able to see him once more. The difference was that now she _could_ see him. "What is it?"

He looked away, swallowing hard. He shook his head, not trusting his voice.

"Kurt, please."

She sat up on the bed, leaning against the headboard. Her fingers trailed his neck gently. "Talk to me."

He knew he couldn't hide from her, so he faced her again, but didn't meet her eyes. If he did, he knew he would lose the battle.

Jane cupped his cheek, caressing his beard. She didn't say anything, letting her soft touch speak for her.

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, trying to compose himself. But as he lifted his gaze to meet her eyes, his voice broke.

"I almost lost you, too..."

"Oh, Kurt."

She pulled him to her, guiding his head onto her shoulder, as the first cry escaped, and the wall he'd tried to build, crumpled.

He wrapped his arms around her, nearly clinging to her as he sobbed. He had failed her and almost lost her, like so many others in his life before: Taylor, his mom, Emma.

Jane guided them to lie down on the bed, as he clung to her, the pain like a crushing stone inside his chest.

"I'm sorry, Jane. I'm sorry."

"Shh," she stroked his hair, tenderly hugging him close. "None of this is your fault."

He shook his head against her, mumbling. "I failed."

"No, Kurt. No. You didn't." She pressed a kiss to his temple, her breath warming his ear as she kept whispering in a loving tone. "You saved me. Even with Remi, you believed in me." She stroked his hair softly, her touch soothing him. "And you have been with me through everything. When I lost hope, you made me hold on. You saved me, Kurt."

Lying in Jane's embrace, he was conflicted as the tears tracked down his cheeks. He shouldn't put this on Jane, not when she was recovering both physically and emotionally. He should be the one comforting her, not the other way around.

But he was at the end of his tether. From discovering that the ZIP was slowly killing Jane, watching her like a hawk as the symptoms progressed, to her having reverted to Remi, and to regaining her memories as Jane again, only to come a breath away from losing her. Now he had reached a point where it all hit him full force, and he cracked under the strain.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't –", he whispered shakily, pulling away from her.

"Shh, don't." Jane shushed him with a finger to his lips, as her other arm refused to move from his back, instead tugging him back against her.

Seeing the sadness in her gaze almost made him apologize again, if not for the gentle shake of her head.

She cupped his cheek again, her thumb carefully drying his tears.

"Kurt, please don't run from me." She beseeched as she made eye contact with him. "I know you want to protect me, but I can't just watch when I see you're hurting too."

He swallowed thickly, but relaxed back into her embrace again. His reply was barely a whisper. "I know. But you've got so much on your shoulders already that I shouldn't put this on you. I should be here for _you_."

She let out a long sigh. "And you are!"

He heard the note of desperation in her voice and turned to meet her eyes again.

"But this is a two-way street," she continued in a tender tone. "For better, for worse: we both said those vows, not just you. It applies to us both." Her fingertips trailed his cheek as she gazed into his eyes for a few seconds. "So please let me help. I love you."

He lay his head on her chest and closed his eyes, feeling her touch at the back of his neck. "Okay," he murmured and wrapped his arms around Jane, needing to feel her close.

* * *

Kurt closed the door behind him as he entered, calling out to Jane as he did so. He'd had to stop by the NYO to sign off on some paperwork. He had been reluctant to leave Jane as it was only her third day at home, but she had assured him she would be fine on her own for a few hours. Besides, it would give him the opportunity to check up on how the HCI Global investigation was doing.

Hearing no reply, he walked in a few steps, smiling at the sight that greeted him. Jane was curled up on the couch, asleep and oblivious to his presence. She was wearing her favorite hoodie, sweatpants and fluffy socks. A throw blanket covered her back and she had crossed her arms across her chest, her hands in her armpits to keep them warm. Before the ZIP symptoms, she would have been up at the sound of the key turning in the lock, but lately the aftereffects of the poisoning and the treatment had left her exhausted. She still had a long way to go before she'd be back to her old self, and not just physically. But Kurt was determined to be there, to help her in any way he could. At least she seemed to be sleeping soundly, without any signs of nightmares.

Kurt put his keys on the breakfast bar before making his way to the couch, kneeling beside Jane's head.

"Jane," he whispered, smiling. "Jane, wake up."

She mumbled unintelligibly at him, snuggling her head into a large throw pillow. He couldn't help but chuckle.

"I was thinking you might help me decide what you want to eat tonight."

He reached out, brushing her cheek softly with his fingers. The hairs at the back of his neck stood up at the touch. Her skin was cold.

"Hey, I need you to open your eyes for me." His tone was soft, but he felt another knot forming in his chest as he reached for her hand. It too was cold.

He breathed a sigh of relief when Jane opened her eyes, giving him a weary look. He smiled at her, but his voice betrayed his worry. "You're freezing."

He rubbed his hand up and down her arm, hoping to warm her. He noticed she was shivering.

"I can't get warm."

The doctors had said that one of the lingering symptoms of the ZIP might be her body's inability to regulate temperature effectively, and a number of other symptoms that Kurt tried to push to the back of his mind right now. The doctors had assured him that in due time, as the treatment worked its magic, the symptoms would pass. But they still shouldn't be taken lightly.

Kurt forced himself to focus on Jane at this moment. The worrying could wait.

"It's okay," he soothed and gently gathered her in his arms. "Let's get you to bed. You'll be more comfortable there."

His concern grew as Jane leaned her head onto his shoulder without even a token of protest, closing her eyes again. Normally, she would have argued with him to put her down, that she was perfectly capable of walking. This time, she didn't say a word, and it scared him.

As he made his way into their bedroom, cradling her against him, he noticed how frail she seemed. She had lost weight, although her stay at the hospital hadn't been that long. She had also become more subdued after regaining her memories, and particularly during the last few days. He shivered inwardly at the memory of the exchanges they'd had.

"…_one last time." _Jane had given up. She had been ready to die, and the thought alone brought moisture to his eyes. He gave a shaky breath as he set her on the bed gingerly. He turned down the comforter on her side of the bed and helped her slip under it. He then went to the closet and got another blanket that he carefully tucked around her.

"Kurt?"

He stroked her hair. "Shh. I'm here."

"I'm so cold," she whispered, and he swore he could almost hear her teeth chattering.

"Hold on."

He went back to the kitchen, returning with a small heated wheat bag a couple of minutes later. He slipped it under the blankets. "Here, hold on to that."

Then, Kurt toed off his shoes and slipped under the covers behind Jane.

"Come here," he whispered into her ear and pulled her snug against him, trapping her legs between his own and anchoring her in his embrace.

Jane gave a tired but contented sigh, snuggling deeper against his chest.

His heart swelled at that and he smiled. "Better?" He murmured into her neck, pressing his lips against the bird tattoo lightly.

"Mmhhh."

"Good."

Gradually, the shivering stopped and Jane fell asleep again. Kurt didn't move. He held her, his thumb tracing an aimless pattern on the back of her hand. Dinner plans could wait.

* * *

Jane shifted on the bed, wincing silently at the tingling sensation in her right calf. Her leg was dead weight. Turning her head, she noted that it was late. The time was 3.38, the bedside clock told her. Looking to the right, she felt a warm sensation in her chest and a loving smile appeared on her lips. Next to her, wrapped in his own duvet, was Kurt, snoring softly. His face was slack with sleep; his muscles relaxed. She almost reached out to brush his cheek, but stopped herself. She didn't want to risk waking him.

Looking at him more closely in the dim light of the bedroom, guilt made its appearance again as she noticed the marks of his stress. She saw the bags under his eyes, his beard and hair had grown longer than normal, and the couple of new grooves on the skin of his cheek told her how this whole ordeal had aged him.

"I love you so much." She whispered to his sleeping form.

Jane lay in the bed and the minutes passed, but sleep remained elusive. After a while she noticed her throat was parched. For a moment she debated whether she should wake Kurt but decided against it. He needed the sleep and the kitchen wasn't _that_ far. She'd have to take it slow, but she was sure she could make it there and back.

She sat up on the edge of the bed and moved her leg, the tingling disappearing as she did so. She got up carefully and reached out to the dresser for support. At an agonizingly slow pace she fought the trembling of her muscles and leaned heavily onto the wall, but felt a small sense of elation as she reached the kitchen to get the drink.

She sat by the breakfast bar for a while, nursing the glass of water before heading back. Despite the quivering muscles in her legs, she kept pushing herself forward. She'd run for miles and taken down bad guys twice her size, and now she could barely get to the kitchen. She bit her lip, inching forward.

Then, out of the blue, it was like she was hit by lightning. A debilitating pain exploded in her head. She grabbed her temples and sunk to the ground as the pain pulsed in her head. It felt like lightning strikes to her brain with every breath she drew. She moaned, the only sound in her ears the rushing of blood as her awareness was reduced to the agonizing, colorful sparks behind her eyelids.

"Jane!" She faintly registered Kurt's voice from somewhere through the haze but couldn't reply. He must have woken when she collapsed onto her knees.

His arms wrapped around her as he pulled her into his lap. She whimpered as the movement made the agony even worse.

Kurt ran his hand down her back.

"Where does it hurt, baby?" He murmured into her neck as he held her.

"My… head," she ground out between shallow breaths, as the tearing inside her skull continued.

He pressed a soothing, barely-there kiss to her forehead. "Okay. I'm going to get you back to bed, okay?"

Jane grunted her understanding, but couldn't help a pained moan as his movement jolted her as he got up.

She felt the softness of the mattress under her as Kurt set her down gingerly and disappeared to the kitchen for a moment.

"Here. It's a painkiller." Kurt explained as he pressed a pill into her hand, and brought the glass to her lips so she could take a sip of water.

Kurt murmured reassurances and stroked her hair, holding her. Slowly the pain ebbed, allowing Jane to breathe normally again.

"I can't do anything anymore!" She sobbed against his chest in frustration, her voice wavering. She moved back from his arms, turning away.

"It's going to be okay." Kurt tried to soothe her.

"How do you know?" She snapped, slamming her fist into the mattress. "I can't even make it to the kitchen and back without collapsing, for God's sake. I'm useless!"

"No, you're not."

She stiffened at first when he enfolded her into his arms again, but slowly relaxed as he kept talking softly.

"Jane, you are the strongest person I know." He kissed her hair. "Your life has been full of terrible events that no one should live through, and yet you've always beaten them. Many people would've given up."

Kurt tipped her chin up, giving her a look of pure love as he tenderly wiped her tears away. "And you will beat this, too. It's just going to take time."

He tucked her head in the crook of his neck, stroking her hair. Jane closed her eyes, nodding meekly as she breathed in his scent, feeling comforted by his touch and soft voice.

"Everything is going to be okay. I promise you."


End file.
